Make or break

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I hate making tough decisions. Decisions that can make or break are just too close to call. I know nothing really comes easy in life and before anybody can achieve any type of success they’ve got to take a risk somewhere along the way.

I don’t want to commit the same mistake like I did in the past which makes me more confused if I should take the risk or not. I took a risk a before and I ended up falling really hard. I’ve regained some ground but now I’m put in a precarious and uncertain situation again.

There’s no question I’m interested in airplanes and I love to learn to fly but right now I have also come to realize that I love computer stuff and work. I wish I can do both at the same time. Giving up one is too hard for me.

Being a pilot was a childhood dream of mine. Right after I graduated high school I took up Aeronautical Engineering because I wanted a course related to Airplanes and Aviation. I was able to take the Pilot’s Ground course also that year but to go on with the proper flying course was just too expensive. My Ma told me that I can still fulfill my flying ambitions even if I take up another course because all I need is just money. She told me that maybe someday when I have work I can save up for it. I took that hope with me and told myself not to give up no matter what happens.

College days were turbulent years for me. I was itching to learn to fly but no opportunity came for me. As each year pass by the hope of being to fly grew dimmer and dimmer as the cost of Aviation gas grew higher. In my desperate attempt I took the PMA Exam in the hope that I will be able to get in and maybe land a spot in the Philippine Air Force (PAF) but I realized going into the military was not something for me. Even if I’ll make it to the PMA it was not an assurance I’ll be assigned in the Philippine Air Force. For 3 yrs. I tried to focus myself with my course, ECE, until I graduated. The urge and dream to fly was still there.

Right after I graduated I took my chance in applying in the Philippine Air Force as a Flying cadet but at that time I already reached their age limit and I also had a probem with the height limit. They required a height of at least 162 cm but I’m only 160 cm. Even if I only lack 2cm the military is just too strict when it comes to rules and regulations. They did allow me to take the exam but I know my chance of being taken was very dim.

I set aside my flying dreams again and took a job related to my course but I told myself that If I won’t be a pilot I wanna have a job that’s related to aviation. Then came my plans of applying in ATO as an Air Traffic Controller (ATC) or as an Air Navigation Systems Specialist (ANSS). I took the ATC exam but I didn’t make it and then a few months later I took the ANSS exam. I passed the exam and I was very happy about it at first but when I got to Manila for the training I got dissapointed and realized I didn’t want to do it anymore. I regretted my decision resigning in Sykes and compiled with my other personal problems I really got frustrated making a bad decision.

There’s no question about my interest for flying. I’ve tried doing almost everything just to give myself a chance but nothing is working out. I’m just thinking that maybe flying is really not for me as my plans seems to always fail. I don’t know. I remember telling myself before that I’ll never give up on this dream no matter what happens. This dream is the only thing left for myself.

Right now I feel comfortable with my current job and I hate leaving it. I’ve learned a lot of things and since I started working in Bigfoot I was already setting myself for an IT career. I still wanna learn to fly but I’m not sure if I really want to make a career out of it anymore. I’ve risked more than enough and I’m afraid to take another chance and then fail again.

To give up my current job right now is something very hard for me to do but who knows when I’ll get an offer or chance like this again. An offer like this only comes once in a lifetime I guess. I am desperate to find an answer on what I should do and decide. I wish God would just give me a sign.

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