Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
by Jack Johnson

I was sitting, waiting, wishing
You believed in superstitions
Then maybe you would see the signs
But lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain’t the lord no I’m just a fool
Learning loving somebody
Don’t make them love you
Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?
Must I always be playing, playing your fool?

I sang your songs I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
But putting up with them
Wasn’t worth never having you
Maybe you’ve been through this before
But it’s my first time so please ignore
The next few lines because they’re directed at you
I can’t always be waiting, waiting on you
I can’t always be playing, playing your fool

I keep playing your part
But it’s not my scene
Want this plot to twist
I’ve had enough mystery
You keep building it up
But then you’re shooting me down
But I’m already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting

Well if I was in your position
I’d put down all my ammunition
I’d wonder why it had taken me so long
But lord knows that I’m not you
And if I was I wouldn’t be so cruel
Because waiting on love
Ain’t so easy to do
Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?
Must I always be playing, playing your fool?

I’m supposed to be studying and preparing for tomorrow’s discussion about eshop but my mind is wandering and tired after all what happened this week.

This summer of 2006 has been quite memorable for me in so many ways. So many good things has happened to me. I’m very happy to have met new friends, been able to climb Mt. Kitanglad, won 1st runner-up in T.W.0 1st Orienteering cup and went on whale-watching in Bais last weekend. It was supposedly a very nice summer for me until Wednesday came.

The bad news last Wednesday was certainly a horror for all of us in the family. I really thought that kind of thing only happened in the news and movies. I still can’t believe the blunder created by the police and what’s worst is that we are the ones paying for their blunder to cover up the mess they have created.

Life isn’t fair and we certainly do not deserve this. All I can really say is that police job is certainly one of the dirtiest. In most jobs if one creates a grave mistake he/she will most likely be terminated but with the police they even make money out of their mistakes which makes me really angry. They should know that their stupid mistake is costing and destroying someone else’s life and family.

We have given in to their demands but I just really hope they would be true to their words. I just don’t trust them anymore after all what has happened. I’m just really hoping and praying this crisis will be over soon.

I hate making tough decisions. Decisions that can make or break are just too close to call. I know nothing really comes easy in life and before anybody can achieve any type of success they’ve got to take a risk somewhere along the way.

I don’t want to commit the same mistake like I did in the past which makes me more confused if I should take the risk or not. I took a risk a before and I ended up falling really hard. I’ve regained some ground but now I’m put in a precarious and uncertain situation again.

There’s no question I’m interested in airplanes and I love to learn to fly but right now I have also come to realize that I love computer stuff and work. I wish I can do both at the same time. Giving up one is too hard for me.

Being a pilot was a childhood dream of mine. Right after I graduated high school I took up Aeronautical Engineering because I wanted a course related to Airplanes and Aviation. I was able to take the Pilot’s Ground course also that year but to go on with the proper flying course was just too expensive. My Ma told me that I can still fulfill my flying ambitions even if I take up another course because all I need is just money. She told me that maybe someday when I have work I can save up for it. I took that hope with me and told myself not to give up no matter what happens.

College days were turbulent years for me. I was itching to learn to fly but no opportunity came for me. As each year pass by the hope of being to fly grew dimmer and dimmer as the cost of Aviation gas grew higher. In my desperate attempt I took the PMA Exam in the hope that I will be able to get in and maybe land a spot in the Philippine Air Force (PAF) but I realized going into the military was not something for me. Even if I’ll make it to the PMA it was not an assurance I’ll be assigned in the Philippine Air Force. For 3 yrs. I tried to focus myself with my course, ECE, until I graduated. The urge and dream to fly was still there.

Right after I graduated I took my chance in applying in the Philippine Air Force as a Flying cadet but at that time I already reached their age limit and I also had a probem with the height limit. They required a height of at least 162 cm but I’m only 160 cm. Even if I only lack 2cm the military is just too strict when it comes to rules and regulations. They did allow me to take the exam but I know my chance of being taken was very dim.

I set aside my flying dreams again and took a job related to my course but I told myself that If I won’t be a pilot I wanna have a job that’s related to aviation. Then came my plans of applying in ATO as an Air Traffic Controller (ATC) or as an Air Navigation Systems Specialist (ANSS). I took the ATC exam but I didn’t make it and then a few months later I took the ANSS exam. I passed the exam and I was very happy about it at first but when I got to Manila for the training I got dissapointed and realized I didn’t want to do it anymore. I regretted my decision resigning in Sykes and compiled with my other personal problems I really got frustrated making a bad decision.

There’s no question about my interest for flying. I’ve tried doing almost everything just to give myself a chance but nothing is working out. I’m just thinking that maybe flying is really not for me as my plans seems to always fail. I don’t know. I remember telling myself before that I’ll never give up on this dream no matter what happens. This dream is the only thing left for myself.

Right now I feel comfortable with my current job and I hate leaving it. I’ve learned a lot of things and since I started working in Bigfoot I was already setting myself for an IT career. I still wanna learn to fly but I’m not sure if I really want to make a career out of it anymore. I’ve risked more than enough and I’m afraid to take another chance and then fail again.

To give up my current job right now is something very hard for me to do but who knows when I’ll get an offer or chance like this again. An offer like this only comes once in a lifetime I guess. I am desperate to find an answer on what I should do and decide. I wish God would just give me a sign.

This is the opportunity I was always longing for before. Now that it finally arrived it seems that I’m still confused how I am going to decide.

If this opportunity arrived earlier this year then it would not have been difficult to make a decision.

I’m afraid to make a decision and regret to have made that decision. The fear of failing is in me again. I seem to be comfortable with my current job right now but I can’t really say that this is the thing I would like to do for the rest of my life.

The offer that Dan Bahinting gave to me is something that will probably never come again. It’s a chance of a lifetime but I’m still not sure if I should go for it or not. It’s a very tough decision to make. I can’t even seem to think clearly right now. I’m afraid to make a bad decision and regret afterwards.

How I wish I know what to do and what to decide. I wish I’ll get a sign on what to do.

I’m pretty much excited for next week’s 3rd Visayas Mountain Festival which will be held in Sitio Patag, Silay City, Negros Occidental.

I already got my vacation leave approved but I still have to ask the other club members as to who will be going to the festival. My dilemma is that no club member will be climbing as the club is already having it’s 2nd Major climb this weekend in Leyte. I’m just really crossing my fingers another club member will be joining the climb in Tinagong Dagat. I can’t afford wasting my vacation leave doing nothing exciting. I know before the weekend ends I should have things sorted out already.

Checking on the 3rd Visayas Mountain Festival’s website I found out there’s going to be 3 routes to choose from. I’ve been to Tinagong Dagat twice (in 1999 and 2002) and both times we took the Campuestohan route. I would like to try the Agang-ang route as it sounds pretty interesting. The route is only limited to 15 climbers so I hope there are still slots available. If not then I’de like to take the Patag route which is the reverse of the route we took before.

What makes the climb and trip all the more exciting for me now is that I won’t just be going there to trek but to shoot pictures as well. Flickr has definitely given me more reasons to climb and travel these days.

I can’t wait for Wednesday to come. In the meantime I gotta sleep and enjoy tomorrow’s photoshoot (or I should say later this morning as it’s already 2am) with Farl and rest of the Cebu Flickr group in the Northern towns of Cebu.

I’m very excited for tomorrow’s Queen City Run. I have a surge of adrenaline rush right now. I hope I’ll have the same energy tomorrow during the fun run.